Warning Signs of an Abuser
Many people wonder if they can predict or "tell" if someone will be physically abusive. Below is a list of behaviors that are often seen in people who are physically, emotionally and sexually abusive to their partners. While not everyone exhibits all these behaviors, they will typically exhibit the first three.
| BEHAVIORS | EXAMPLES |
| Threatens Violence | "I'll slap your mouth"; "I'll break your neck." |
| Breaks Objects | Used to terrorize, threaten and frighten |
| Uses Force During Arguments | This includes holding you down, keeping you from leaving the room, pushing, shoving and slapping |
| Shows Intense Jealousy | This is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness, not a sign of love. Examples are questioning who you talk to, accusing you of flirting, checking on your car mileage, trying to limit your social contacts |
| Shows Controlling Behavior | Controlling where you go and who you talk to, not letting you make decisions about the house or clothing, keeping all the money, telling you who to be friends with. |
| Quickly Gets Involved | Dates only a short time before getting engaged or living together. The abusive partner may have been extra nice during this short courting phase. The abuse begins when the partner has committed to the relationship and is therefore less likely to leave. |
| Sets Unrealistic Expectations | Depends on you for all their needs, expecting you to take care of everything, emotionally and physically. "If you love me, I'm all you need and you are all that I need". |
| Isolates | Controlling you by driving away your friends or family, accusing them of "causing trouble" and "getting in our business". Moving into the country without a phone, keeping you from going to work or school. |
| Blames Others for Their Problems | Not taking responsibility for their choices and behaviors-blaming you instead. "If you had cleaned the house like I said, you wouldn't have gotten hit" or “You know how I am…if you would just do as I say.” |
| Blames Others for Their Feelings | Again, trying to avoid responsibility for their feelings or actions. "You make me jealous when you talk to others” or “I just can't help it". |
| Is Hypersensitive | Taking the slightest setbacks or challenges in life as personal attacks or overreacting to small things |
| Uses "Playful" Force During Sex | Shows little concern about what your sexual needs/boundaries are and may use sulking or anger to manipulate you into doing things you don't really want to. May demand sex when you are ill or tired. Expects sex as a proof that you love them. |
| Defines Rigid Sex Roles | May believe that women are inferior to men, expect you to serve, stay at home and always obey him. |
| Shows Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde Behavior | Has sudden mood changes, sudden explosions of anger when nothing was wrong |
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